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30-Day Song Challenge

by Angie on Jul.09, 2011, under Uncategorized

All songs linked to Youtube. Started June 5, completed July 4.

day 01 – your favorite song: Epik Highyou are the ONE
day 02 – your least favorite song: Far East MovementLike a G6
day 03 – a song that makes you happy: Michael BubléHaven’t Met You Yet
day 04 – a song that makes you sad: Backstreet BoysShow Me the Meaning of Being Lonely
day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone: One RepublicCome Home
day 06 – a song that reminds you of somewhere: Take ThatEight Letters
day 07 – a song that reminds you of a certain event: ?? & ????
day 08 – a song that you know all the words to: WestlifeI Have a Dream
day 09 – a song that you can dance to: BananaramaLove in the First Degree
day 10 – a song that makes you fall asleep: YirumaDream a Little Dream of Me
day 11 – a song from your favorite band: TakeRing
day 12 – a song from a band you hate: DBSKMIROTIC
day 13 – a song that is a guilty pleasure: Darren HayesInsatiable
day 14 – a song that no one would expect you to love: ????????
day 15 – a song that describes you: Simple PlanPerfect
day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate: Robbie WilliamsFeel
day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio: CharicePyramid
day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio: Black Eyed PeasI Gotta Feeling
day 19 – a song from your favorite album: Linkin ParkWaiting for the End
day 20 – a song that you listen to when you’re angry: abingdon boys schoolHowling
day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy: TrainHey Soul Sister
day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad: Tim?????…
day 23 – a song that you want to play at your wedding: NSYNCThis I Promise You
day 24 – a song that you want to play at your funeral: BeatlesLet It Be
day 25 – a song that makes you laugh: ???????
day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument: Five for Fighting100 Years
day 27 – a song that you wish you could play: ColdplayViva La Vida
day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty: ???????
day 29 – a song from your childhood: Aladdin & JasmineA Whole New World
day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year: Bruno MarsThe Lazy Song

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Iridescence

by Angie on Mar.14, 2011, under Tribute

Not just for Japan, not just for anyone specific.
Be the colors of those whose world is gray.

Inspired by Linkin Park’s Iridescent and The Messenger.

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You Can Look Back, But Don’t Stare

by Angie on Jan.01, 2011, under Life

2010 must have been the happiest year in my life.
And then it has dissolved to mere memories.
Just like that.

Eight Letters
Take That

We became the parade on the streets that we once cleaned
Expendable soldiers smiling at anything
Raised on a feeling our lives would have meaning eventually

We were once the answer and then you discover
You’re actually just one thing after another
And what was the question and why was the lesson so deafening?

This is all that matters now
And that was all that happened anyhow
You can look back but don’t stare
Maybe I can love you out of there

And when I went away what I forgot to say
Was all I had to say:
Eight letters, three words, one meaning

And outside forces didn’t make it easy
So I thought I’d go before you leave me
Self-preservation was no explanation for anything

Oh but the truth is more than we’ll ever comprehend
I’m just starting to understand, my friend
All of that distance, ’cause I fell in love with the enemy

This is all that matters now
And that was all that happened anyhow
You can look back but don’t stare
Maybe I can love you out of there

And when I went away what I forgot to say
Was all I had to say:
Eight letters, three words, one meaning

And when I went away what I forgot to say
Was all I had to say:
Eight letters, three words, one meaning

At last, we meet on no man’s land
Just footprints in the sand
We meet on no man’s land, at last

And when I went away what I forgot to say
Was all I had to say:
Eight letters, three words, one meaning

And when I went away what I forgot to say
Was all I had to say:
Eight letters, three words, one meaning

One meaning
Just one meaning
(Listen to the song in the current music box.)

Time to lift up my head and walk forward once more.
Towards a new year.
 
Happy 2011
 

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The New Generation, Chapter 1

by Angie on Dec.11, 2010, under Prose

I joined Young Writer’s Society not long ago, just to check out how it’s like there even though probably 90% of the people there are younger than me, but since that’s the audience I’m aiming for, just thought I could give it a try. Posted the first chapter of my rewritten novel, The New Generation (still contemplating on the title), which is also on my DreamWidth. It’ll be great if you can check it out too. :)

Click to read: It was the year 2281 on Earth.

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I Left My Heart in Kuala Lumpur

by Angie on Dec.05, 2010, under Faith, Growth, Tribute

I told myself I wouldn’t cry, because God has already given the calm feeling I asked for in my prayers, but after sending out those SMSes, I still had to crack.

This is the place where the rollercoaster of my life is at its roughest course. Because of it, I have become stronger than ever, and my visions are clearer than ever. I have not only learned and gained much knowledge from my coursework, but also in life and church. That’s why I can’t bear leaving it behind – it’s like literally tearing myself up and leaving a part of me behind that I know I will miss when I go. That wound will always be there, hurting me deep down. But still, it’s time to move on, and let my light shine somewhere else for more people to come. This strength I’ve gathered for myself shall I bring with me for this purpose.

Besides, I need my patriarchal blessing, and I know God wants me to receive it because that’s where all my questions will be answered. For that, I look forward to my trip.

Here is a summary of what I have been through:

2008
Arrived in late February / early March, feeling terribly alone without friends or family that I truly know. Shyness got the best of me, made friends in school only weeks later, never went to church ’cause was too scared coupled with guilt to call up. Lots of angst, depression, questions on when I can go home. Only at the friendly level with schoolmates.

2009
A rather stupid year, I guess, but also the start of an extremely slow upward climb to where my heart needs to go. Lil Sis came, and she was a good example to me by contacting the church and getting me to go eventually. I cannot express my gratitude anymore than I can. In school, got to know more people, became closer with many. Still lots of crying though, from some pressure.

2010
Started off stupid, but very quickly jumped back on course and on the way to the top more rapidly than before. More alone, too, yet the heart’s so closely knitted with those whom I already have with me that it’s hard to notice anyway. Goal was to do everything possible, knowing that it’s the last chance I’d ever get to do them. Amazing year with lots of activeness, much like coming out of my shell, because I had promised God that I would be a better person to prove myself worthy to enter His house and His kingdom. And I have, and will continue striving towards a better me.

And a cheesy rip-off:

The loveliness of Sibu
Seems somehow sadly gay
The glory that was home
Is of another day
I’ve been terribly alone
And forgotten in Singapore
I’m going home to my city by the bay.

I left my heart in Kuala Lumpur
High on a hill, it calls to me.
To be where little Proton cars
Crawl slowly through traffics!
The morning fog may chill the air
I don’t care!
My love waits there in Kuala Lumpur
Around the tall and busy city
When I come home to you, Kuala Lumpur,
Your golden sun will shine for me!

Special thanks to some of my online friends who supported me throughout and even took the time to send me Christmas mails for the past couple of years, especially Pompi and Sora.

To my friends and ‘families’ in KL -
My schoolmates Steph, Cyn, Bosco, Sarah, Jun Yan, Eujin, Seong Woei, Margaret, Jason, Fahim, Iswara, Jayhan, Ibrahim, Xunli, Lutfi, Li Ji, Guan Yeu, Daniel and many more whose names left me at the moment; my lecturers Ms Elsa, Prof Chris, Mr Loke, Dr Simon, Ms Mylini and all who have taught me; my church friends Priya, Eder, Joyce, Chen Ying, Sis Joyce for picking me up for church often, Sis Sophia who’s like my ‘mom’, Denise, Sis Lhudy, Sis Ai Lian, Sis Joanna, Sis Susan, Caroline, Pres Lim, Pres Chan, Brandon, Deedra, Melissa, my faithful choir members whose names left me at the moment and so many more.

Thank you for making my stay in KL the best of my life. Please keep in touch on Facebook, or if you like, add me on MSN, which you can find on my Facebook profile, or ask me for my Skype. Other than that, if you’re ever coming down to Singapore, do let me know beforehand.

But hey, who knows – maybe God decides that I’m better off in KL and brings me back here. :)

Goodbye for now, my third home on Earth. God be with you till we meet again.

p/s. Christmas wish list is at the bottom of the About page, haha.

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Music is my Soul

by Angie on Nov.29, 2010, under Thought, Tribute

What is music to you?

To me, it has a life of its own, constantly with us like air, flowing along like rivers, strong and solid like rocks, colorful like the rainbow.

One of my favorite times is to sit back, play soft soothing music on my laptop, and watch rain pouring outside, all the while letting the feelings of the music fill me up. More often than not, I’ll be humming a favorite song, and playing imaginary piano in the air, or waving my hand as of a conductor’s. Sometimes I regret not being involved in music as much as I am now when I was younger. I started learning piano when I was seven out of Mom’s encouragement. I was pretty good at sight-reading, but too lazy to practice often. I didn’t take any exams because Mom said that I “wasn’t good enough”. I wasn’t good in oral exams either. Eventually, I become just a simple pianist.

But you know, I was probably more into music than I think I was. I remember those naive years when I spent most of my times with my little sister, holding made-up singing contests and playing children music cassettes on the radio. When we were in Primary, we loved the Children Song Book, even that we practically sang “Jesus Loves Me For a Sunbeam” at the top of our voices. As I grew older, I listened to various other music. I liked English songs. Then I listened to Japanese songs (from Detective Conan). I came across instrumental songs, especially piano, and later guitar and flute as well. Then I heard Korean songs, fell in love with the ballads from Winter Sonata. Chinese songs came in last, but also much treasured.

Music isn’t just about a bunch of musical notes and lyrics. Movies and TV shows have music in the background because they set the mood, emphasize the emotions in the scenes, whether or not they’re angry, sad, or happy. Now, have you ever think of the kind of music you listen to during various moods? Or the kind of music that make you have the various feelings?

I do. I remember songs that give me nostalgic memories, such as those that I listened often on my earphones on the way to school. I know songs that make me think about how my life has been, songs that make me cry, songs that make me happy. And it doesn’t matter whether they are just instrumental, because it’s what they mean to you that matters. They mean so much to me, that I can’t imagine not having any music in my life, for every note and every word…as if the Spirit has resided in them to enter my heart, that it became a knowledge that I am still alive and well. All because of my calling as a choir director in church, because I learned to appreciate music from everyone.

Thank you for the music, for giving it to me.


songcatchergirl.blogspot.com

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Friends

by Angie on Nov.04, 2010, under Growth, Life, Tribute

What do friends mean to you?
Do you treasure friends more than work and money?
Are friends equally important as family may be to you?

Because to me, they are just as important as anything else.

Because I don’t make friends easily, and when I do, I have the most loyal friends in the world whom I can never exchange anything else with. I never doubt them, I don’t want to doubt them, I just want to trust them and be as loyal to them as they have been to me.

And I never want to lose any of them.

Please don’t forget me, friend, because I don’t want to be alone anymore.


au.reachout.com

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ColorGenics Test

by Angie on Oct.14, 2010, under Thought

Source: ColorGenics Test
It’s accurate in a way…but as usual, I’ll deny something. My comments are in brackets at the end of each paragraph. If you think otherwise, feel free to express your opinion.

Name: Angie
Date: Wednesday 13th 2010f October 2010 02:06:09 PM
Colorgenics Number: 2/7/3/4/1/5/0/6/

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical – indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude. (Yeah, this is…pretty much correct in every way. Though I don’t think it’s with that much harshness.)

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with. (Me, outgoing? Not at all. I’m still waiting for people to talk to me first. Besides, I’m usually more of an introvert in other tests. Also, I don’t get ‘extremely’ irritable. Well, maybe just a little bit…)

You are a demanding egocentric and therefore quick to take offence. This attitude makes people feel somewhat inadequate when in your company and so it is no wonder that at times you feel alone and unwanted. (No, I’m not quick to take offense. I might look like it, but I’m really not. Maybe, at some points, but even that I try not to show it… Perhaps I’m not convincing enough? I don’t know.)

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking – you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of ‘total surrender’. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence ‘you need to be needed’ and at the same time ‘you need to need’. (Er, this must be the most accurate part of all?…)

You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards – and come what may – you abide by them. (Finally, yes.)

And then I took it another time, which I think is slightly more accurate.

Name: Angie
Date: Wednesday 13th 2010f October 2010 05:15:17 PM
Colorgenics Number: 3/7/1/5/6/4/2/0/

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your ‘missed opportunities’ by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as ‘living with exaggerated intensity’. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again – and it could be that you are right. (Exactly what I feel now.)

You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding. (…Yes, I guess.)

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive – perhaps it does not even exist. (Not completely a perfectionist, but maybe just in some ways. I try not to demand too much though. I’m pretty sure I don’t, at least.)

Your ability to withstand the pressures of everyday life have been overtaxed and this is leading to stress and frustrations. It would seem that for the time being you have lost the resilience and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties. You feel that it is all ‘too much’ and, try as you may, you are getting nowhere. But to give you credit, you continue to stand your ground and pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity. Naturally this situation is subjecting you to intolerable stress and pressure from which you would dearly like to escape, but you can not bring yourself to make the necessary decision. As a result you remain firmly involved in the problem and you can neither view it objectively nor get rid of it – you cannot leave it alone and you feel that you will only be at peace when you have reached your objective. (This…used to be very much like me. But then again, it’s still me now, just that I’m standing stronger than before.)

The fear that you may not be able to fulfil or realise all of your ambitions makes you work and play hard. The thought of being prevented from achieving the things you want leads you to play your part with frantic fervour. (So very much like me.)

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The New Generation, Snippet 1

by Angie on Oct.05, 2010, under Prose

…Madam Koche moved to treat Cory, who looked at her fearfully with wide teary eyes. She smiled kindly at him as she took his arm. “It’s alright, dear. You won’t die. It’s just a scratch.”

“Just a scratch,” Orn snorted, at which Madam Koche threw him a side-glance.

The New Generation, Chapter One

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And Smile is…?

by Angie on Sep.19, 2010, under Growth, Thought

Genuine happiness is not just the show of a smile and saying, “I’m alright.” It’s that feeling in your heart that makes you smile out of the blue, and laugh when someone asks you why you are smiling. It doesn’t work when all you feel inside is a broken heart that cries out not for attention from others, but from you.

While contemplating on what has been making me smile so much, it occurred to me that I don’t smile only when I’m happy. I had laughed when I was angry, and chuckled when I was in pain. I remember once when I was feeling horribly sick, and someone asked me if I was alright. I didn’t feel that I was, yet I smiled, despite almost tearing up, and tried to convince them that I was. Which comes to the question: why did I do that?

Well, I should know the answers. It’s because I don’t want to make them feel sad or be bothered by me. It’s because I don’t want them to see me sad when I’m supposed to be the happy-go-lucky one. It’s because I thought that I am strong enough to go through those sufferings on my own, just like what Mom told me when I was crying to her about my lack of confidence of passing an exam paper. I really want to be exactly what she described me to be, I truly want to…yet there always comes a time when I have to break down and cry everything out. They say that men don’t cry because they want to look strong—but here is a woman, or a girl-still-trying-to-be-woman, being the same way.

I write this because I’m starting to realize that I have been trying too hard to be happy. Whenever bad memories come to my mind, I would hum a random tune to distract myself. I would laugh a little more, despite the hardship. When someone talks to me as I feel crushed inside, I put on a overly-cheerful mask to hide it. In the end, all those bad feelings end up in a blog like this. This cannot do. I am looping through the whole process I was going through only a year ago. Depression, and then happiness, and then depression again. And most of this depression came from having all these feelings bottled up inside of me, with no one knowing a thing about it. I am not progressing to my goal of making others happy because of it. Why try to give happiness when I don’t have any of my own to share? Why try to strengthen others when I don’t have the strength to hold myself together?

There are many different smiles; mischievous smile, sad smile, evil smile, confused smile… Of all the smiles I want to show, is a happy smile. I am not alone. God may be helping me through all this, but I still need to trust others more.

Still…it’s so hard, to try and say something as I’m crying. Maybe all I want is a hug?…

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